Monthly Archives: January 2011

Saving face

I have no idea what I’ll look like after the age of, about, forty-seven.  Not only do the women in my family not subscribe to the idea of “growing old gracefully”, they don’t believe in growing old at all. That … Continue reading

Posted in aging, beauty, body hatred, body image, eating disorders, family, humor, insecurity, life, me, other, Personal, Personal, plastic surgery, random, social pressure, thoughts, weight, women, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Enter grace : stage right

Being in treatment was a life changing experience. Remuda Ranch is a place utterly drenched in God. I felt His serenity amidst the discord, His renewal of my spirit against its damage, and His restoration mending my body. With each … Continue reading

Posted in anorexia, Christian, Christianity, eating disorders, faith, God, grace, inpatient treatment, life, me, musings, Personal, Personal, recovery, reflections, relationships, thoughts, treatment, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

One foot in front of the other

My feet won’t move. This is problematic for several reasons. It’s nearly 7:30am. I have things to do. People are counting on me to do them. I’m working this morning. I have a long drive. I need to pack a … Continue reading

Posted in Ana, anorexia, beauty, body dysmorphic disorder, body hatred, body image, bulimia, Christian, Christianity, eating disorders, Ed, faith, God, life, me, mia, musings, Personal, Personal, recovery, reflections, thoughts, weight, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I’m Just Not That Into You

It was uncomfortably cold. We were all cold but blankets weren’t allowed. I can’t remember all the reasons why now, but it had to do with safety and body image. That’s why having a pillow on your lap during group … Continue reading

Posted in anorexia, body image, bulimia, eating disorders, inpatient treatment, life, me, musings, Personal, Personal, reflections, thoughts, treatment, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pants on fire…

“But WHY?” I was fully aware that I had now stooped to bleating like a petulant child, but this merry-go-round of a conversation had proven stupendously unsuccessful. It’s extremely tough to dupe a dietitian who specializes in treating eating disorders. … Continue reading

Posted in anorexia, body image, bulimia, Christian, Christianity, eating disorders, faith, God, inpatient treatment, life, me, musings, people, Personal, Personal, reflections, thoughts, treatment, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Fly away home

At long last I was finished with work for the day,and I was on my way to have dinner with friends. My husband was en route and intended to meet me there with our two young children. It was December. … Continue reading

Posted in children, Christian, Christianity, death, faith, God, grief, life, loss, me, parenthood, Personal, Personal, reflections, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The fairest one of all

I      AM      LYING      TO      YOU                                                                                 … Continue reading

Posted in anorexia, body image, bulimia, eating disorders, inpatient treatment, life, me, musings, Personal, Personal, recovery, reflections, thoughts, treatment, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Enough

I didn’t receive many incoming phone calls during my months as a patient at Remuda Ranch treatment center for eating disorders. Calls could be taken after dinner before evening snack (but not during), and then in the very brief interim … Continue reading

Posted in child abuse, Christian, Christianity, eating disorders, faith, God, life, me, musings, Personal, Personal, recovery, reflections, thoughts, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Making the Cut

“Cutting is demonically inspired,” my pastor intones. Sincere. Heartfelt. Passionate. “ And how often TODAY do we hear of people ..(pause for dramatic effect) CUTTING themselves??” The congregation’s response is as you might expect. Gasps, tsk-tsk’ing, and plenty of heads … Continue reading

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Two much trouble?

My childless friends tend to coo when I speak of my 2 year old.  I can practically hear their eyes growing misty over the phone lines and can sometimes detect a soft lullaby in their exhale. My favorite question is … Continue reading

Posted in children, family, humor, kids, life, me, motherhood, musings, parenthood, parenting, Personal, Personal, raising kids, reflections, thoughts, writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments